taivlys replied to your post:Kill me now.
fuck a tree?! really?! LOL. on a more serious note, YES, THIS. then again maybe i feel this way because i (am ashamed to admit that i) have once been that girl & in retrospect, WTF WAS I THINKING. just part and parcel of growing up, lah.

Haha i know many people who are still doing it now - in their mid twenties going on thirties. i’m just pissed off by how selfish they are… so many responsibilities still wanna cry wolf & play dead! maybe heartbreak gets tougher as we age. then again maybe we’ll get desensitized after feeling so much. but for sure i’m biased coz i like you & would never want you to die - so yeah i def wld have cared :)

Kill me now.

I really cannot emphatize with people who think they deserve to end their lives simply because their gf/ bf leaves them. Sure, feel sad, cry. Stay in bed for a few days if you must.

Don’t say you are clinically depressed and then start popping pills (but yet there you are still breathing and all). It’s a bloody inconvenience to everybody. Did it occur to you that the medical attention given to you could have been better utilised? Yet the good doctor and nurses are spending precious time pumping your stomach out just because you chose to date an asshole.

Come on. YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE. Want someone’s attention? Threaten them with a knife. Trash their car. Buy new clothes. Fuck a tree. Whatever man. Killing yourself is just… Ridiculous. Actually the most ridic part is that you don’t even plan to actually die, you just hope to get his attention. But you conveniently forget that your desperate cry will fall on deaf ears coz he/she’s an ass & it wouldn’t matter - everybody knows that you can’t die in singapore. The ambulance gets there too quickly and the distance frm your home to the hospital is just not long enough. So yes, you’ll be saved. And EVERYBODY KNOWS that you’re gonna be fine.

In the event that you are, really clinically depressed. Or suffer from bi polar disorder. Then yes - maybe it’s more justifiable for you to go to such extreme matters. But i read an article somewhere that these people would at least try harder to end their lives.

Just don’t use your suicide attempts as a cry for help/ attention. God gave you a mouth. Use it and scream for help. Or use it to convince them to stay (be creative, if they don’t like the sound of your voice then stop yakking and start doing other shit man).

We always have a choice.

  • (I work the floor at an independently-owned menswear store. The owner, my boss, spends a lot of time at the shop, and tries to keep prices as low as possible to help our city’s large homeless population get good job interview clothes. A clearly homeless man is wandering around the store. The other patrons are giving him looks.)
  • Customer: “Excuse me, sir?”
  • Me: “Yes, ma’am?”
  • Customer: “I think you may want to call security. That… bum over there, he keeps feeling the suits and muttering to himself. I’m just sure he’s planning to steal one.”
  • Me: “Well, ma’am, I think that’s quite unlikely.”
  • Customer: “Oh, come on, you know how they are! I mean, I’d keep an eye on him even if he wasn’t homeless!”
  • (The homeless man in question happens to be Hispanic.)
  • Me: “We don’t discriminate here, ma’am.”
  • Customer: “Well, I’m sure the owner would want to hear about this!”
  • (I give in and call him over. The customer explains her concerns. As a black man, my boss isn’t happy with her racism, but agrees to talk to the homeless man.)
  • Owner: “Excuse me, sir, are you finding what you need?”
  • Homeless Man: “Well, not really. I’m hoping for something versatile in a dark or navy wool, but most of the options in my size are cut American style instead of European, which fits me a little better. Not to mention they’re all pinstriped, which I really don’t have the build for, you know?”
  • Owner: “I… yes, I understand. I think we may have some options over here, if you’ll follow me. How did you know all that?”
  • Homeless Man: “Back before I lost my job, I used to be really into this stuff. I’m not looking for anything fancy, just something I can use to look good for a job interview later today.”
  • (My boss helps him find something he likes, and comes to the counter with him. The suit is priced at $87.)
  • Homeless Man: *digging in his pockets* “Hang on, I think I’ve got enough.”
  • Owner: *to me* “Take my card. I’m buying it for him.” *to the homeless man* “Here. The suit’s yours, on one condition. After your interview today, you come back and apply for a job here too. Got it?”
  • Homeless Man: “I… oh my God, thank you. Thank you so much.”
  • (Two years later, that formerly-homeless man is my manager, and has a little girl with his new wife—the owner’s sister.)

Sometimes i really wish i have wider range of emotions. I’m just annoyed and highly irritable when something bad happens. I get confused and annoyed and mostly just impatient, wishing that i’m not the one who has to deal with this shit. Sometimes you really want something… But you can’t have it. And you have to find a way to be okay with it.

I hate the fact that at some point, responsibility will be transferred to me.

13 things my uncle told me before he died:
not everyone has the blessing to understand sadness
when waiting at the bus stop, it’s okay to smoke cigarettes
never touch anyone else’s clothes at the laundromat
it’s okay to miss the people who were bullets to you
when your grandmother asks you how you are, be honest
never be afraid to say “no” even after you’ve said “yes”
if someone tells you graffiti isn’t art, prove them wrong
remember people by their eye color not their clothes
you’re allowed to like dark chocolate with tangerines
don’t lie that you don’t have a lighter when you really do
turn your phone off every once in a while and find the moon
if you want a tattoo, don’t let anyone tell you not to get it
if you ever find yourself at the graveyard, read the names
poems from my uncles grave (via 2977miles)

what binds two people together?

it’s a really wonderful thing when i think about my healing process. 

i thank her everyday for restoring believe in myself. we fit into each other’s life. she made a lot of effort to be a part of mine and i’d like to think that i may have done a little more than just scooted over to the other side to make room for her. it has not been without challenges but the happiness far outweighs the bumps and cracks made by our “errorific” (horrific + errors) ways. oh, what a careless human being i am.

tonight, i’m typing this because i’m remembering the pile of mess that i was around 2 years back. feeling completely worthless, feeling like i just can’t understand why i keep letting myself be treated so badly. or why i keep wanting things that aren’t any good for me. 

“When someone leaves you, apart from missing them, apart from the fact that the whole little world you’ve created together collapses, and that everything you see or do reminds you of them, the worst is the thought that they tried you out and, in the end, the whole sum of parts adds up to you got stamped REJECT by the one you love. How can you not be left with the personal confidence of a passed over British Rail sandwich?” – Helen Fielding

i was feeling like that for the longest time (you can imagine, after so many failed attempts at trying to make my relationships last longer than a can of peanuts). one day, she simply came along, and taught me so much. she put humpty dumpty back together again. and we sat on the wall. 

tonight, i’m so afraid of not having her in my life anymore. she’s MY person. i’m not talking about today or tomorrow even. but eventually - our time together will run out.

n o t well

I’ve passed through whole days, sometimes it stretches out to weeks. Just long… draggy days… Not feeling happy, not feeling sad. Just simply unwell. But not in the sick way either.

They always say that when you’ve hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up and that’s actually a good place to be. There are far worse places to be at. I scoffed. Until now, cause it feels like i’ve fallen off a cliff and i’m waiting to hit the bottom, except that it’s worse. I’m suspended in mid air. I’m not even falling. I’m just stuck.

And it’s getting really frustrating.