it’s a really wonderful thing when i think about my healing process.
i thank her everyday for restoring believe in myself. we fit into each other’s life. she made a lot of effort to be a part of mine and i’d like to think that i may have done a little more than just scooted over to the other side to make room for her. it has not been without challenges but the happiness far outweighs the bumps and cracks made by our “errorific” (horrific + errors) ways. oh, what a careless human being i am.
tonight, i’m typing this because i’m remembering the pile of mess that i was around 2 years back. feeling completely worthless, feeling like i just can’t understand why i keep letting myself be treated so badly. or why i keep wanting things that aren’t any good for me.
“When someone leaves you, apart from missing them, apart from the fact that the whole little world you’ve created together collapses, and that everything you see or do reminds you of them, the worst is the thought that they tried you out and, in the end, the whole sum of parts adds up to you got stamped REJECT by the one you love. How can you not be left with the personal confidence of a passed over British Rail sandwich?” – Helen Fielding
i was feeling like that for the longest time (you can imagine, after so many failed attempts at trying to make my relationships last longer than a can of peanuts). one day, she simply came along, and taught me so much. she put humpty dumpty back together again. and we sat on the wall.
tonight, i’m so afraid of not having her in my life anymore. she’s MY person. i’m not talking about today or tomorrow even. but eventually - our time together will run out.